AT LAST: THE SECRET COMIC NASA DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SEE! Blowing the lid off the whole "moon landing controversy" and shining the harsh light of truth onto the harsh truths that are harshing Buzz Aldrin's two fisted post Moon career! Can you handle THE TRUTH?
The TRUTH, that is, about Jingle Dingle and his Christmas Vacation on the Moon? Huh? Can ya?
"There was something different about Jingle Dingle's Weather House". You mean there's something odd about a hut built like a cuckoo clock inhabited by a plump little man wearing a giant striped body suit, a bow tie, and a hat with a bell on it? Why of course, it has a space ship next to it! Now THAT'S odd.
I predict a great future of "chemical experiments" in Johnny's future, accompanied by a few meaningful years in the Betty Ford center, a tearful public apology press conference, an ill-advised comeback tour, and a sullen retirement.
Why should we worry? The firm hand of Jingle Dingle - THE FIRST OUTER SPACE WEATHERMAN - is at the controls.
Swallow the right kind of "space pills" and you too will "take a trip" and see strange looking creatures. Always know your dealer, kids!
Just as I suspected, more propaganda from the Unification Church.
Brainwashed by the Rev. Moon, Jingle Dingle exhorts his old pals to pay a visit to their happy compound. Hurry Santa, the mass wedding is coming up soon!
The MOONIES can learn about Christmas, and Santa can learn about selling flowers in airports and never speaking to friends and family ever again! A fine exchange.
Join the smiling moon elves as they prepare to blast Santa with their reflectoscopes!
And if that doesn't work we can try ANOTHER kind of moon ray, it involves turning around and unbuckling your pants, and is chiefly employed by drunk fraternity pranksters. Very powerful though.
Blasted by the reflectoscope Santa promises to visit the Moon every year. As opposed to NASA! Come on guys let's get it together and get back to the moon! What are we paying you guys for anyway? I want my moonbase and I want it now!
"The Moonies were also very sorry because they were standing a little too close to the rocket when it took off and they recieved third degree burns all over their cute little bodies."
And so we bid farewell to Jingle Dingle and Johnny and Kathy and Santa and W.T. Grant's, Your Family Store. Merry Christmas!
HELP LET ME OUT I CAN'T GET OUT HELP MEEEEEEEEE
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