What's that, fellas? You get the feeling that the girls you date are only out for one thing - trying to trick you into marriage, attempting to trap you in a cage of lifetime marital bliss? Well guess what? You're right!


She's attractive and intelligent, but she can't land her man. Because she's just too honest! She's telling it like it is, and they just can't handle her realness. Right? Usually when people say they're "too honest", what they really mean is "I'm unbearably rude to everyone". But this gal may just have a different problem! Let's examine her technique, shall we?


So far thing seem to be going well; soft music, dancing, small talk about out of print books....


And then somewhere around the good night kiss stage, is when she'd pull the boner. Well, that's as good a time as any, I should think!

Oh, wait, you mean "boner" in the sense of "a mistake". Oh. That's different. Her "boner" here is immediately launching into a stirring celebration of the institution of marriage and how fervently she desires to be wed as soon as possible. And her date is... outta here!


Scorned by the wedding-shy males of her school, Ellie seeks solace in the wisdom of her roommate, who says even though marriage is vital to the continuance of the human race, it's not always a good topic of discussion while on dates, maybe, perhaps.


"Guys don't want to feel like they're about to be roped and branded! Unless, of course, that's what you're into! Remember the safe word, and have fun!"


Again with the honesty, blaming it all on her doggone honesty. Listen, the problem isn't her being too honest, it's her ignoring context and vital social cues, which leads us to suspect she may actually be suffering from any one of several debilitating autism-spectrum disorders.


MARRIAGE? YES I WOULD TOM. IT WOULD BE THE MOST WONDERFUL THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO ME AND I WANT IT TO HAPPEN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO THE REMAINDER OF MY LIFE IS MERELY A POSTSCRIPT TO THAT ONE JOYOUS DAY OF THE WEDDING. *OUR* WEDDING. Wait, where ya going? Darn it, did it again.


Remember ladies, if you want something, KEEP QUIET about it until the right man asks you about it first! Good advice for the ladies, and it comes from a very real place, I bet there was a woman somewhere in the office when this was scripted.


And then she met Michael Scott, regional manager of a mid-sized paper company - and it's love! Love American style! Will she screw this one up with her obsessive compulsion to always drag marriage into the conversation?


Oh, how hard it is to stop doing that annoying thing you've been doing that's been bringing you nothing but unhappiness! She's dying inside, having to hold back the endless jabber about how marriage is great and everybody should have one or two. Meanwhile, everyone around her is breathing a sigh of relief at the respite from the constant wedding talk.


But suddenly the dam bursts and all her marriage talk comes rushing out! Marriage is great! There, I said it! Go on, run away. Run from the wedding bells, coward!


Oh, look at that, he was a big fan of marriage all along and he was worried that she wasn't. I guess he's a transfer student from another college or something and hadn't heard about the girl who'd been dating every guy in the school while talking up marriage like crazy. Anyway, these two kooky love birds have finally found something in common - getting hitched! To each other!

So remember kids, the moral of this story is to not drag marriage into your date conversation, unless your date is totally into it, in which case you should discuss marriage as soon as possible. I think. Good luck!

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