Just when you think you have exhausted the open-pit mine of self-published wanna-be superheroes, suddenly you hear a rumbling below your feet and a vast chasm opens beneath you. As you scramble for the safety of solid ground, you realize that no matter how deep you dig, there will always be more bad 1980s comics by people who wanted nothing more out of life than to add their own tiny bit of detail to the vast tapestry that is the World Of The Super-Hero. And then you start thinking how all your life you were told to "Follow That Dream" and to "Live A Little, Love A Little" and maybe "Clambake" and that we were all encouraged to be creative and to not give up and that if we really worked hard all our dreams could be realized, and then you look at the vast, stinking pit of fakey, derivative, strained, cargo-cultish attempts to try and emulate the super-hero comics that were, apparently, the only cultural outlet these poor individuals were ever exposed to in their short lives, and you think, maybe some people are better off NOT following those dreams.
So here we go again with more college-fund-wasting "My Very Own Super-Hero" nonsense! Shed a tear for all the trees murdered, and we'll begin!
Is this called "Hero Project" or "Project Hero"? Is that a guy with a pot on his head being menaced by what appears to be a Predator from the movie "Predator" minus his trademark dreadlocks? Why is seminal new-wave star Debbie Harry (from "Blondie") wearing that ridiculous outfit? And who is "Jaxon"? You can find out for only $1.50 (US). Such a bargain!
Oh, good, a prologue. That's always a good way to start your amazing super hero universe, not with action or fighting or anything interesting, but a nice talky prologue.
We got a good deal on these circular templates but we only got small sizes so all the dialogue has to fit inside these little circles.
Meanwhile in outer space, elements of the Zhavoran Empire are attacking the planet Duerba'an, and the cliche about adding accent marks to your fakey science fiction names is in full effect.
By the way, aren't you a little short - and hairy- for a storm trooper?
This is how galactic empires conquer entire planets; just land a few ATVs and some guys with ray guns and start zapping.
Don't quote me on this, because I'm not absolutely positive, but I think this might be the bad guy here. Maybe.
PEW PEW WHROOSH KABLAM. The dog people and the cat people and the elf people aren't having very much fun at all with their little space war!
Meanwhile back on Earth, Captain Metric System introduces Super Golfshirt Man and Sweatervest The Human Sweater Vest to Birdman, I mean Nighthawk, I mean Eagle. Fellow super person Miss Nipple Indicator looks on with interest.
Finally the Canadian military gets a rest from all that boring peace-keeping. Thanks, aliens!
Our intelligence shows that the alien threat can be described most accurately as being what would happen if UFO contactee George Adamski was also a total furry sci-fi nerd.
"And that, gentlemen and ladies, is how we as super-hero-people are going to protect Earth from this alien menace. And now, as indicated by my little cane, you'll experience my tap dance recital. Music, please!"
Uh oh, it's super hero bad boy Exodus! I guess he's back from that long epic journey of mass departure he took, seeing as how his super-hero name is "Exodus" and all! Oh well, I suppose it's a better super-hero name than "Mila 18" or "QB VII".
Here we see some actual super people hitting each other. Enjoy it, because this is all the super-hero action you're going to get out of "The Hero Project" or "Project Hero", whatever its name is.
Remember when designing your very own super heroes, keep the colors neutral and muted. Gray is fine. We don't want our readers to get too excited, you know.
And when wearing non-super-hero clothes, the ladies prefer the "boob-tube" while men go for the ripped-sleeves-and-neck look that is still popular in some parts of Alberta, Sasketchewan and Northern Ontario. I'm not kidding.
Uh-oh, looks like the Earth people are cutting deals with the dog-people who, along with the cat-people and the blue elf-people, make up the Zhavoran Empire that is threatening the Earth! What's gonna happen to the Hero Project Hero? We will actually never know, because this was the only issue of Project Hero that was ever published. Shockingly enough, the reading public responsed with complete disinterest to this super hero adventure in which no super heroes engage in any sort of adventure.
If I could go back in time and give one piece of advice to this comic's creators, it would be to keep it simple - have your super heroes foil a bank robbery or defeat a mad scientist. Save the outer space dog people for later. Trust me on this.
Actually a better piece of advice would be to say, "Don't waste your time on your own super heroes. We've got plenty. Seriously, we're good. No, quit telling me about your super heroes. I don't care. Nobody cares. Stop already. Please. Go away. I'm not kidding. I will call the police."
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