Hey folks, what's the biggest evil threatening our society today? Besides gay marriage, I mean. Why, it's eating beef of course! No, not meat eating in general, just beef. But I mean, cows are about as smart as humans, what with their ability to litter the south with adorable billboards imploring people to "eat mor chikin", so it makes sense that we should abstain from eating burgers and steaks. In fact, they even have cow superheroes, like deciBell, the heroine of this here free giveaway from the Chick-Fil-A corporation, which incidentally serves only chicken-based products.

What, besides staying away from red meat, can we learn from this comic?


Why, we can learn about determination, like the determination we are assured deciBell shows in this comic book! By reading this, children can learn how being determined can make them heroes in their community, like say if they're against same-sex marriage, they can start up a fantastically successful fast food franchise and donate lots of money made from that franchise to organizations that oppose gay rights. Just as a for-instance, I mean. Anyway, on with our story!


Actually, as these restaurant chain giveaways go, this isn't terrible, it's at least more coherent than that Andy Devine and Froggy horror elsewshere on this site. Though I'm hard pressed to think of how a "vapor cloud" of beef fumes could do anything but spoil appetites. Sounds like a job for a gastroenterologist to me.


errr I mean sounds like a job for a superhero cow with a really loud moo! I hope she isn't too traumatized by the fact that the ground-up remains of her relatives are now raining upon the city, along with pickles, onions, special sauce all on a sesame seed bun... oh sorry, wrong fast food chain.


Surely the only reason anyone would eat a fresh, unfried, unbattered piece of fruit is through blatant wizardry! Fortunately this is the only point in the comic where you'll see someone eating fresh produce, because this isn't about healthy food choices, it's about not eating beef. I mean, yeah, other meats are fine, just not beef!


Oh, by the way, deciBell is VERY traumatized by seeing people consuming ground-up fellow cows. I guess she has a real "beef" with... oh forget it.


A vegetarian?? In this comic? Something something gay marriage!!


Luckily our heroine ignores this threat to the sanctity of matrimony, as well as the ground corpses of her kin, to "moo" everyone out of the spell that makes them want to eat beef. Though her family is still as dead as ever, so they may as well finish eating. I mean, it's just food going to waste, right?


Here's what I don't understand... what do cows have against chickens? Why the hate campaign imploring the mass genocide of chickens? And, since Sir Brisket is a human, wouldn't it be much better revenge to hypnotize him into wanting to eat humans? Or maybe have his henchmen eat him? Wait, maybe that's what the policeman means when he says "You're going to love Burgerburgh jail", because "jail" actually means "we're going to grind you up and eat your corpse."

After all, what do humans taste like? Not beef, that's for sure. You got it. Chicken. So I hear. Not that I'd know.


"And by 'chikin' we of course mean the flesh of criminals and homeless people".

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