Every once in a while you'll be digging through a big pile of comics and you come across something that you instantly know you have to have, something that just screams "WINNER!" at the top of its lungs, something with a cover so enigmatic that at first glance you can't tell if it's about sex ed, or menstruation, or registering for selective service, or getting braces, or what. This is one of those comics!
See? What is this comic about? Dating do's and don't's? How the fine products of Kimberly-Clark can help young women through the first blossom of their femininity? The importance of an all-meat diet? Why mothers and daughters should wear the same clothes all the time? Let's find out!
We open with two high school freshmen scheming to get dates for the prom. Now I don't know what high school was like in the 1910's or whenever it was this comic was made, but when *I* went to high school, the prom was for juniors and seniors and GOD HELP YOU if your date was a freshman. I mean SERIOUSLY how desperate can you get? So good luck, froshes.
But Judy and Sally are determined to land men, or reasonable facsimiles thereof, and as Sally knows the best way to hook that male is to make him feel important, to play up to his male ego, to quiet that desperate little voice inside all men that worries that they aren't going to "measure up" on the sports field, in manly combat, in the locker room, in public rest rooms, et cetera.
"You aren't one of those career girls who thinks only of making a place for herself in the world, of carving out a successful business career and leading a self-fulfilled life, are you Judy? Of course you aren't, you are proposing to waste an entire day cooking a meal for more or less a complete stranger! Merely because of my man status as a man! It's a deal gals!"
As their soda shop date ends Judy realizes just what kind of predicament she's put herself and Sally into. On the other hand, Mom says anyone can cook with electricity! Or did she say "kill"? "Anyone can kill with electricity," is that what she said? Oh well, if the date goes badly there can always be an "accident."
and - YES! Judy and Mom are wearing the same dress! Remember moms, when buying clothes, just get the same thing in two sizes and maybe you can distract your daughter and collect some mistaken good night kisses from those crew-cut hunks she'll be bringing home an endless parade of over the next few years.
And don't worry about cooking any more. In this age of automatic electric servants, it's a breeze! Our mechanical slaves do everything for us and our limbs have become atrophied and useless. Soon our robot overlords will make their move and the machine will rule all. Send help.
Sure, it's a amazing future world of all-electric automatic houses, but men... men are always a problem and ALWAYS WILL BE. But Mom kept on smiling. Her day was coming.
You see, with a freezer you only need to shop every two weeks or so, and then you have plenty of delightful, slightly freezer-burned meals of frozen everything to look forward to! Also the freezer is great for storing your victims until the heat dies off and everybody figures that missing salesman moved on to Salt Lake City or somewhere! It's a miracle.
Sally's worried that their whole social career is at stake, but I figure two or three weeks of staring intently into each other's faces long enough, especially while at school, should solve their social career anxieties pretty conclusively.
Anyway, relax Sally, you're FRESHMEN. You have three more years of embarrassing mistakes, horrifing blind dates, and fashion disasters to get through! One dinner is NOTHING.
Gosh life certainly has become better and more wonderful with every passing moment thanks to the miracle of electricity and the terrific people down at the electric company who make electricity happen through wizardry and the proper sacrifices. If only they'd produce a comic book reminding average Americans such as ourselves how great we have it, thanks to electricity.
Sure, go ahead and cook the bacon and eggs right there on a hot plate on the tiny breakfast nook table. Nothing says "professional business guy" like a suit splattered with bacon grease!
I was worried there for a minute that Judy's Mom didn't have a coordinated outfit ready for their Big Cooking Day, but I can see I underestimated Judy's Mom once again. Here she is in top form reminding us all that we can put things in the electric refrigerator and it will then keep them cool. Amazing!
ANYONE CAN COOK IN AN ELECTRIC KITCHEN! It says so right here in the handbook that nice man from the electric company gave us! Now dump everything into the electric thing and STAND BACK! Electricity knows what it's doing!
Really? Cooking is THIS EASY? Just buy the meat from the meat place, stick it on a plate, and shove it in the oven? SO LONG COOK BOOKS, see you in the recycling bin! Wait, this is the 1950s, I'm just going to toss them out through the window of my speeding car, or set fire to them in the back yard. That's how we dispose of everything in the 50s. Burning or roadside tossing.
Now I get here that Sally is impressed with the cleanliness of an electric range as compared to, say, an old fashioned wood-fired cook stove, but trust me on this one, you get some cooking action going on and you can get that electric range plenty filthy. Be sure and check out the next comic in this series, "Cleaning Up with Judy," sponsored by Johnson Wax and Formula 409.
Suddenly Judy is struck by the terrible truth that all the electricity in the world can't make two teenage boys behave properly. Well, actually it can. But that would be unethical. I think.
Washday? Didn't you hear? The Electric Council abolished Washday when they assumed power in that bloodless, all-electric coup! My land, what times we live in.
A faint glimmer of thought questioning the patriarchy penetrates to the surface of Judy's consciousness, but Sally's on the job and shuts that one down fast. YES MEN ARE WORTH IT, END OF STORY, CASE CLOSED!
And now the scene you've all been waiting for, high school girls in the bath. High school girls in their underwear. High school girls smugly satisfied with their hot water heaters.
Dad gets very few scenes in this comic, but here he totally nails the difficult task of being patronizing and insulting to both the girls and their dates in one simple sentence - while lighting a pipe! This is MAXIMUM DAD right here.
Tommy's being polite with his compliments here, but we all know that freshman girls still have a few more years before they reach their maximum fullness of "giftedness".
and YES Judy and Judy's Mom continue to wear the same exact dress. Is nobody else weirded out by this? Sally? Anybody?
Ladies, this is the exact face you want your man to be making every time he eats one single bite of anything you ever cook ever. If he's not making this face something is TERRIBLY WRONG
and we have MISSION ACCOMPLISHED for our girls with prom dates LOCKED DOWN thanks to ELECTRICITY! And ironclad legal documentation!
"Wonderful prom dress Judy. Wait a minute, you're not Judy, you're JUDY'S MOM WEARING THE SAME DRESS. Get out of here, you crazy woman! Quit trying to steal your daughter's identity!"
And so, with the help of Judy's Mom and Her All-Electric Kitchen, Judy and Sally had the most wonderful evening of their entire lives. Not 'so far' - THEIR ENTIRE LIVES. Not only did they peak in high school, they peaked in FRESHMAN YEAR of high school. Thanks to ELECTRICITY! Have some today!
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