This week's Stupid Comics is one of those books that actually we think is pretty awesome. But we're gonna make fun of it anyway, because that's how we roll.
Before there was Ziggy, before there was Ziggy With A Hat, before there was Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars, there was Ziggy Pig and his best pal Silly Seal! These two unlikely animal pals were among the first funny-animal characters created strictly for the medium of comic books, and created they were by none other than genuine living legend Al "Mad Magazine Fold-In" Jaffee, back when he was a young, hungry cartoonist working for young, hungry comic book editor Stan Lee over at Timely Comics. So let's dive into this cartoon-animal world of pigs and seals and see what makes them tick!
Now the first thing you notice is this great, fun, round, cartoony art that almost bounces off the page. The next thing you notice is how Silly Seal sometimes has feet, and sometimes has a tail. Wonder how he does that.
Both Silly and Ziggy immerse themselves fully in a rich fantasy sequence about having a million dollars and being able to just go nuts with the candy until they are literally emperors of the world of sweets.
I think I'll leave analysis of this panel to trained psychologists.
They'd fill that pool with ice cream and just dive into it, which honestly would cause death by hypothermia in as little as fifteen minutes, depending on the temperature and viscosity of the various chocolates and syrups involved. Also, they'd buy every comic book in the world! At which point all our little comic-book-reading ears perk up!
Psst, did you know that sitting on that very park bench listening to all this nonsense talk about candy and ice cream and comic books was none other than an eccentric billionaire? Did you? Huh?
YES! The eccentric billionaire gives them a one million dollar bill, proclaims himself a "good fairy", and then skips away singing "whoops!" and "la la la!" Hey kids, here in cartoon animal land the rule is "don't ask, don't tell."
Now if you had a million dollars and wanted to corner the market on comic books, there's only one place to go, and that's to Timely Comics, the publishers of Captain America and the Human Torch and Super Rabbit and all sorts of mind-warping funnies, all of which are edited by Stan Lee, depicted here as a big cock.
And now you know the whole reason this comic is included in Stupid Comics - just to give me the chance to use the phrase "depicted here as a big cock." My thanks for your indulgence in this matter. But to continue!
Comic book historians look back on this day with amazement, the day that Timely Comics was sold to two maverick investors with a brilliant plan, a hat that said 'Ziggy', and a million dollar bill clutched in a meaty paw that made Stan "Rooster" Lee salivate with barely suppressed money-lust.
Turns out Timely had on hand one million dollars worth of comics, which at ten cents each means Ziggy and Silly now have ten million individual comic books. Which, if we think about the millions and millions of comics that were sold in America every month back in 1945, is really only a small proportion of America's comic book supply. And let's also consider that this giant pile of Timely Comics is likely to consist of two or three hundred thousand unsold copies of "Miss America" and "Millie The Model". Stan tosses them the key to the office and he's outta there, off to write the great American novel! So long suckers!
But the youth of America, deprived of that week's worth of four-color madness, are inconsolable. What monstrous betrayal of our children have Ziggy and Silly committed?
Finally they face the truth - they're hoarders, and Dr. Zasio and Extreme Cleaner Matt Paxton will soon be on hand to televise their squalor and shame. Or maybe Ziggy and Silly will just give away all those comics. Just give 'em away. They're comic books, they aren't worth anything.
And in a surprise ending it turns out that the eccentric billionaire was also an eccentric counterfeiter and everybody, including Rooster Stan Lee, goes to jail. But is that it for our pig and seal friends? Nossir.
If there's one thing I love about this issue of Ziggy Pig and Silly Seal, or Silly Seal and Ziggy Pig, it's this great time machine, all weird globes and zizzing sparks and some kind of drive-belt arrangement. Will our friends break the time barrer in the name of romance?
Both Seal and Pig are trying to date the same girl, so of course they have to sabotage each other's woo-pitching attempts, and that means one thing and one thing only - time travel.
And before you know it they're back in the time of dinosaurs and cavemen - hillbilly cavemen, mind you - who show Ziggy the secret to romantic success with what appear to be cavewomen wearing polka-dot dresses. Just treat 'em rough!
Ziggy's club-breaking prowess wins an appreciative look from Selma, but as always, a giant dinosaur interrupts.
And back in good old 1945 - say, let me just point out that considering the World War that was just winding down with two atomic explosions and vengeful Communist hordes overrunning half of a broken, starving Europe, saying "Good old 1945" is kind of a stretch - back in good old 1945 Ziggy tries the cave-man technique and is shot down like the male chauvinist pig he is. No, seriously, he is actually a pig.
Thanks once again to master cartoonist Al Jaffee for giving us these crazy comics (no, seriously, Ziggy and Silly did first appear in "Krazy Komics") and for taking us on a trip through time and space and filled with ten million (stupid) comics!
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