1942! In the darkest days of World War Two, your go-to-guy for sneaking around Germany and getting all up in Hitler's grill was none other than The Destroyer, who destroyed pages at a time in his blue mask and striped tights! Can one man smash Hitler in the face repeatedly? How MANY times can he smash Hitler? Let's let The Destroyer himself tell us all about it.
Well, this splash page certainly has all the ingredients of Golden Age Crazy. The Destroyer watches himself punching what appears to be a Wild West dandy while a begowned lady snaps her whip and Satan looms ominously. Yeah, that's Satan. History buffs will appreciate the text mentioning "bloody tyrants" Mussolini, collaborators Quisling and Laval, and somebody named "Togo." He was a pro wrestler, I think?
"Oh yes, it started down there.. in Hades! Or as the service technican calls it, "the basement". He certainly had a hell of a time with our broken water heater, I can tell you! Or CAN I tell you? Sometimes I wonder if this story ever really happened at all. Sorry for wasting your time."
Hey, it's Satan's Girlfriend, Madam Satan! Tell those shrieking tormented souls to quiet down a little and tell Madam Satan all about it, you poor dear. Oh, it's that lunkhead Hitler. I don't know why you even hired him.
Who can replace that dope Hitler? YOU! Yes, you the reader, you're Attila The Hun!
You can have a tremendous career spreading fear and terror throughout Europe and Asia, but in the end you're just a guy in pantaloons, whipping people in Hell, taking orders from Satan's girlfriend.
Of note in this story is the absolute complete lack of any attempt to make Adolf Hitler anything other than a pathetic gibbering failure - a remarkable bit of prognostication on the part of the writers.
I will say, Madam Satan as a zany trouble-causing debutante adds a goofy touch not usually seen in stories involving Attila The Hun and/or Hitler.
YOU CRULLER HEAD! Somebody was having a lot of fun writing this dialog. I know Mort Leav did these great cartoony pencils, but story details are unknown. Now shut up Attila, we got work to do!
Meanwhile The Destroyer is sittin' in a tree watching Hitler, as he does, in time to witness Madam Satan get some Nazi soldiers really stoned!
I'm sorry. Won't happen again.
The gaping maw of Laffin' Hitler, here for your edification
But this comic is about The Destroyer, after all, and that means it's time for some Hitler-punching! And Attila-punching while we're at it!
Sure, comics are filled with wish-fulfillment fantasies, but place-kicking Hitler for the field goal? That's just blatant pandering.
Even though The Destroyer is some kind of muscled super-champion (we think, his abilities and powers beyond punching and kicking are not very well defined) he too must breathe, and thus he too is turned to stone.
Comedy in its purest form - Hitler punching a stone statue and hurting his widdle hand
By the way Attila, apropro of nothing, just for sake of conversation in an expository sort of way, is there any way to bring these statues back to life? Just matches and a little heat? That's fine, thanks.
And so the Nazi high command holds a wild drinking and smoking celebration to celebrate the capture of The Destroyer. Look out for that lit cigar, Ernst!
FUN FACT: Hitler really was disgusted by alcohol and meat eating! And smoking too! Methamphetamine, however, he was A-OK with.
Thrill to the sight of a snoozy Attila The Hun, brought back from Hell to take over Nazi Germany, sleeping off his drunken revelry, brought to you by the miracle of comics.
Get wise to yourself, Destroyer, and come work for Satan! OR I'LL CLAW YOUR EYES OUT
If Madam Satan saw her friend being sent back to Hell by jumping into a fireplace, she'd jump into a fireplace too, because she's really susceptible to peer pressure. Don't jump into fireplaces kids.
And now it's time for The Destroyer to get in a little more Hitler-kicking before this story runs out of pages.
EEEK! NO! NO! Hitler squeals like a little girl being chased through the garden at Berchtesgaden. But suddenly an explosive force erupts from behind Hitler! That's one of the drawbacks of the all-sauerkraut diet, I guess.
Yes, Hitler got away, but The Destroyer will return with millions to demolish the Third Reich! Well, maybe we'll just let the millions handle this, one more guy with striped tights will just get in the way, probably be a distraction with all his crazy stories about Attila The Hun and being turned to stone and stuff. No no Destroyer, we got this.
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