Way back in this early Stupid cover gallery we saw Santa Skeleton on a cover of The Witching Hour, and now for our final Stupid Comics of 2017 we're bringing you the seasonally-appropriate story behind the cover! Or under the cover, whatever.
Good advice, but there wouldn't be a story if Santa wasn't killed at Christmas, which is either a time to make merry or a time to make murder, depending on whether or not a department store Santa Claus catches you opening your own office safe after hours. Really makes you think! Like, if this guy runs the department store, why would he steal cash from his own wall safe when he could just embezzle it? Just one of the mysteries of-- THE WITCHING HOUR!
OK so his plan is to stuff Santa in the store's basement and collect insurance on the stolen money, a plan which the store Santa somehow put together from watching the guy open his own wall safe, and which now also entails stuffing Santa into a crate, where the smell will surely not alert anyone for the next ten months. A mouse may not be stirring in that basement yet but that's bound to attract some sort of vermin-- at the WITCHING HOUR.
"My costume is behind this tree" is something I definitely want to hear some insane-looking, hollow-eyed man say to me-- especially at THE WITCHING HOUR.
"ha-ha... a knife! Right through his heart!! Brutally piercing flesh and bone! Hilarious! Ha-ha-ha!!" I'm not gonna begrudge someone a dark sense of humour but I feel like expecting a bright red blazer to pass as Santa's coat is a little more worthy of pointing and laughing. But then, it is-- THE WITCHING HOUR.
He can stop Santa from giving away a briefcase full of money but he can't stop Santa from hitting on moms! Lots more where that came from Mother! Ho Ho Ho!
Oh, almost forgot-- WITCHING HOUR
I mean a bunch of people saw you grab that briefcase and no one really cared except the one annoyed MILF but sure, go ahead and put on the Red Blazer of Santa if it turns you on dude. Anything goes at-- THE WITCHING HOUR
Locked it away in a vault? I thought the scam was collecting on the insurance, not the cash itself? Why not just burn it or... oh, what am I saying, his plan of going to a bank dressed as Santa to put cash into a vault under the name "Kris Kringle" is totally foolproof-- at THE WITCHING HOUR
oh no who could've foreseen a thing popping off an electrical wire and electrocuting him?? Say, do you suppose this happened at a specific time?
Whatever that specific time is, the mysterious new store Santa starts hideously melting in front of hundreds of small children. I'm sure that won't mess them all up forever or anything.
"HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS KIDS, ESPECIALLY THAT ONE LITTLE GIRL WHO WAS SITTING ON MY LAP AS I MELTED INTO A SKELETON ENJOY YOUR LIFETIME OF THERAPY HO HO HO!"
Come on Cynthia, you end every story with "...at THE WITCHING HOUR" and now you're gonna leave me hanging just because this didn't actually happen at midnight (THE WITCHING HOUR)?? Well fine then, I'll do it.
Happy holidays everyone! We'll see you all in 2018, which as you know will start January 1, at the stroke of...
MIDNIGHT-- THE WITCHING HOUR!!
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