If there's one thing the general public loves more than patently false stories about wild west cowboys, it's nonsense tales about flying saucers and UFOs. If only there was some way to combine those two falsehood-laden mythological systems into one single doubly-fake story!


Thankfully Gold Key Comics is here to give us what we didn't know we needed. I hope Hollywood is taking notes! (They were. Didn't end well.)


What if I was a cattle rancher back in the 1880s? I would IMMEDIATELY sell out to the railroads, that's what if. Get me somewhere with indoor plumbing.


that buzzing sound - a cowboy hypnotized - this can only mean the bees have finally learned mind control, and we can kiss our honey goodbye.


As a cattle rancher you always want to keep some dynamite handy, in case you need to... blow up some cattle, I guess.


OH NO MY TREE

OH NO MY CORN

OH NO MY ROCKS

Will this madman stop at NOTHING?


I guess a dynamite-crazed Texan blasting his way across the landscape is going to raise a few eyebrows, yeah.


"You of all people, Frank! You founded the Anti-Dynamite league! You even sent your Nobel Prize back because of your feelings about Alfred Nobel and the dynamite he invented. You of all people, leading us on what we can only refer to as a Great Texas Dynamite Chase. For shame."


Judge Lynch once again rears his ugly head as the lawless mob seeks vengeance for their... blasted dirt and their shattered rocks.


I don't know if swearing you're in the grip of an irresistible impulse to set explosives is really a winning "don't hang me" argument here?


looks like this particular bit of extrajudicial sentencing is about to be interrupted by a ruling from a higher court - about five hundred feet high!


Oh come on, stop panicking, it's not like you guys never practiced slash-and-burn agriculture yourselves.


And here we have that fateful meeting between Cowboys and the Gekko People of Altair 7, as seen in the classic westerns "The Good, The Bad, And The Scaly" and "The Magnificent Seven (Aliens)."


When you start talking about "spilling your seed" this is NOT what... no, wait, this is fine. This is a perfectly fine use of that phrase, thank you.


Let's see. Improper left hand turn leading to damage in cosmic storm, improperly labeled and identified storage and shipping containers, failure to use double-walled hazardous materials bulkheads, lack of warning lights, signage, or sirens, failure to report hazardous materials spillage... this is going to add up to some hefty fines, buddy.


You'd be surprised to learn how many DOT hazardous materials transportation manuals have "mind controlled dynamite cowboys" as a containment strategy!


Finally humanity has contact with life from beyond the stars, proving we aren't alone in the universe and opening up incomprehensible new vistas of knowledge, and these sodbusters are complaining about their soil being ruined. "We wanted to cause that Dust Bowl OURSELVES!!" they cry.


"Another Crazy Ray's Auto Parts? There are five in the metro area already!" Well, Frank gets his apology, the farmland and grazing pastures are restored overnight, and an entire vally of cowboys has one more unbelievable story that will take up some column inches in the local newspaper on a slow news day. So long pardners, and remember, be careful where you spill your poison seed.

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