Reports state one of Marvel's oldest super people, the venerable Prince Namor the Sub-Mariner, will finally be joining the legions of long-underwear characters transitioning to film. Is the cinematic world ready for this wing-footed fish-man who spent many of his early appearances mass-murdering surface dwellers, before mellowing into mere smart-assed quipping? Let's hope so. In the meantime we'll look at one of Sub-Mariner's 1940s adventures, as he wisecracked his way through a world war.


Note the kingly physique, the stylish trunks, and the triangle-shaped head that made Sub-Mariner one of the leading lights of the Golden Age of Comics. Bend the course of rivers? Sub-Mariner can change the face of the Earth itself! Or so they say.


"Military Intelligence" is extremely most secret, mostly because people don't think those two words ever go together.


Only the Sub-Mariner, with the strength of fifty men and the ability to fly in the air and swim beneath the sea, who is in command of an undersea empire of super-creatures, sea monsters, and ultra-science, can deliver a message to Paris. They can't just put it in code and transmit it over the BBC like they normally would. Mostly because nobody wants to read twelve pages of Sub-Mariner sitting at a radio, even IF his head is getting sharper and more triangular all the time, and therefore would look pretty funny wearing headphones.


The finely-honed marine senses of Sub-Mariner are, after fifteen minutes of travel, able to determine which direction water is flowing. Amazing!


The murderous evil of the Nazi plot is offset nicely by the prank comedy of slamming on the brakes so your passenger bonks his head on the windshield. They may be fascist spies, but at least they enjoy a little slapstick.


Namor's "regular human" disguise is basically "nerdy high school student, but with a pointy head." Gee, I can't wait to see Ol' Triangle Skull on the big screen!


Remember, once in the water Sub-Mariner's strength is almost unlimited! Which is good because right now I think he's in a farm pond somewhere near Falls Church.


The proper use of submarines is raiding surface shipping, night attacks on convoys, and shelling the occasional oil refinery. If you want to find a swimmer, get a lifeguard!


Get out the lobster traps, boys. Where are the fish heads? We need bait.


They're willing to sacrifice an entire U-boat just to stop Namor's message and also to stop Namor using the word "clams" to mean "money." Or maybe Namor is just talking about regular clam clams. Who knows with that guy?


When he isn't defeating Nazi spies, Namor moonlights over in the "Dick Tracy" strip as a gangster named "Hatchetface"


My own personal Holy Grail of Timely Comics trivia is trying to figure out which assistant was tasked with adding in the little message case to the small of Namor's back in every panel where Bill Everett forgot to draw it. Because you KNOW he must have.


Wallowing whales versus Nazi pig boats? Are we two or three panels away from this comic going full funny animal?


When those contractors installed that anti-sub net they assured the Kriegsmarine that it worked against ALL subs, including Sub-Mariners. And they were right!

(Is it just me, or do tiny, snappable threads seem to be crucial to Germany's defense of Western Europe?)


E-boat brand pickles are known for a top speed of 43 knots and a tendency to go sour quickly!


If this boat's a-rockin, don't come a-knockin' because you'll be a-drownin'


Zut Alors, zee Sub-Mariner, he is, how you say, hors d'oeuvre touche, baguette coup-de-Grace, I am the French. Bonjour.


This so-called master of the seas seems to have difficulty comprehending the ability of water craft to move in more than one direction.


Here's some advice - don't be too cocksure around a man of action!


At first I thought the line "who asked him to come along" was supposed to mean the German marine, but I believe this dialogue is actually meta-commentary on the complete uselessness of Nameless French Guy.


Finally we make it to French Underground headquarters. It's important to always wear your full military uniform when working for the French Underground. We want those medals to jingle when you're captured and shot!


And the important message is - something that could have easily been sent over the radio via a really simple code group. Sorry to trouble you, Sub-Mariner. Will you ever get to change the face of the Earth? I guess we'll find out in the movies!

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