In the 1980s the comics industry tried to class the joint up a little with prestige titles printed on better paper, sold at a higher price point, and generally flaunted as a more sophisticated product. However, this being the comics industry, everything they did was going to be all about super-people with amazing powers and tight outfits.


So the ambitions and technical innovations of these experiments all reach their final conclusion - a cardboard grocery box sitting on the dusty ground of a fall afternoon antique sale, covered in twigs, leaves, a little water damage, and the occasional insect. Which is where we found today's comic!

You may have watched the Moon Knight series that aired recently on streamer Disney Plus. You may even have enjoyed it! Will this comic help explain why a third-string faux Batman got his own TV show? Heck, it doesn't even explain why he had his own comic book. But first, an editorial.


"FeeEEEmales!" That's the state of the late 80s comics industry; the mere appearance of two ladies in one issue of anything is an oddity worthy of mention.


Let's celebrate this tiny step towards gender equity by... putting on a wig. Thanks 1980s, you're weird


This one might start off as a scare story to keep kids in line - remember girls, if you get lost or you aren't able to make any friends, you'll be put in a home - but it really forces us to face big questions from the beginning. Like, what is a "podunk slam," and why were people wondering what happened to it?


This is pretty much the same reaction every 12 year old is going to have about anything grownup that interrupts their slumber party. Unless it's carrying pizza.


You've gotta stay here and help Grandma, she needs you to fix the TV and find her car keys and why is the computer machine running so slow!?


Meanwhile, at stately Spector Manor, an art dealer is trying to justify spending too much for an ugly piece of archeological curiosity to the guy who paid for it, who somehow can't just say "No, take it back."


I think in panel two the word balloons got switched, unless Marc Spector is suddenly talking about himself in the third person. Way to fanfare there, Marvel. Anyway, we've introduced the cursed object that will be grabbing Moon Knight's throat on the cover of the comic, so we're moving on. Boy, I'd forgotten how darn talky these 80s comics are.


So for some unexplained reason, zillionaire philanthropist and playboy Marc Spector is somehow roped into being responsible for entertaining an entire home full of friendless and lost girls. OK, we actually do know the reason, we gotta get this plot moving somehow.


Marc Spector's chauffeur volunteered to buy an entire girls' school tickets to... what? Quick, gotta think of a band I saw in 1988... Butthole Surfers? I'm gonna say Butthole Surfers.


See, I told you, Butthole Surfers. They're every young girl's dream! Also the dream of whatever these are supposed to be!


Just kidding, they are seeing "Podunk Slam", a comic book version of New Kids On The Block, which in 1988 were both the hottest commodity in entertainment and, being beloved by preteen girls, safe targets for ridicule by adults who, at the same time, were cheerfully shoveling cash at "Don't Worry, Be Happy" and future memelord Rick Astley.


Speaking of how times have changed, "Mysterious man of immense wealth surrounded by young girls" is 1988 comedy gold, but now it just makes us think of private jets, private islands, and whether or not Jeffrey Epstein really killed himself. Yeah, I know! We went dark there!


Oh, get a room, you two. Wait, you did! In fact, you already have a whole mansion - with which to explain Moon Knight and his amazing super powers, of course.


Uh oh, he's getting one of those crazy "priests of Khonshu" visions. All part of the Moon Knight package.


I agree that aging, homelessness, addiction, boy bands, and mental illness are serious problems, and it's time our lazy super-hero billionaires got off their costumed butts and started building institutional change. Unfortunately, that doesn't make for an interesting comic book.


No, Moon Knight is not visiting a rural prison, which is what I think of when I see the term "podunk slam."


Oh no the boy band is being exploited by ruthless and predatory management! Sound familiar, comic book creators?


Not EVERY boy-band manager was using occult forces of the supernatural to create and maintain the image of his stars... only the GOOD ones.


So the magical ugly head that made the boy band stars, that ugly head now belongs to Marc Spector. Who, if we continue this line of reasoning, could theoretically now become a boy band himself? Think about it Marc, while you're using your totally-not-a-Batarang to disarm that goon.


Moon Knight needs to check up on fans of Podunk Slam, of which there are literally millions spread around the country. Where to start? Luckily, he happens to know about a certain convenient home for lost and friendless girls.


Children are vanishing from care homes and being replaced by senior citizens, who then require placement in... care homes. Is this the work of a sinister performance artist villain, attempting to shine a light on how our society marginalizes its most vulnerable, both young and old? That sounds great, let's go with that!


"Wait a minute, if an old lady was holding this, by all logic it should be an autographed picture of Rudy Vallee and/or his megaphone! Quick Frenchy, to the Mooncave!"


No, not The Who, the Podunk Slam. We've been OVER this


When you appear in a room and people don't say "Moon Knight!" and instead say "Who are you?" - well, your super hero public relations game could use an upgrade, is what I'm saying.


Calling upon your army of pre-teen girls to smash your enemies? Sure, worked out great those two times the Crusades tried it, right?


This is why you should always carry some Polly Pockets, some Barbie accessories, maybe some Betty & Veronica Digests around, just in case you need to distract attacking 11-year old girls.


You COULD have confronted the band in the daytime at their hotel. But no, you had to wait until the moon rose so you could put on your little costume. How's that working out for you?


Good old Koala Munba, he can turn back time AND he can hypnotize legions of tweens. Sort of an all purpose idol.


FINALLY that ugly idol is smashed and we don't have to look at it any more! Thank you, Podunk Slam's Ricky!


Ewwwww! Gross! Old men? Who'd want to listen to creepy old geezers parade around on stage? No way! (news item: Rolling Stones and The Who contine to tour well into the 21st century)


And with everybody restored to their proper ages and with the horrifying menace of "boy bands" smashed forever, Moon Knight swings off into the night. Not Batman. Moon Knight. Please make a note of it!

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