It's summertime. The days are getting longer, the temperature is rising, the weather is getting... well, you might go so far as to say it's getting sultry. But how sultry is too sultry? Is your thermometer getting into the sultry range of Sultry Teenage Super Foxes? Because if it is, well, you might have a problem.


America's number one comic book about bosomy teenagers in abbreviated swimsuits who fly through the air being sultry is, naturally, Sultry Teenage Super Foxes. So yeah, you DO have a problem. The problem is that you've shelled out two bucks for a cheesy cash-grab from the king of late 1980s trash comics, Gary Brodsky, whose father was legendary Marvel Comics production wizard Sol Brodsky. Hence, the company name "Solson" - he's Sol's Son - get it? Gary is the author of "The Foolproof Guide To Picking Up Women," "How To Dominate Women," "How To Meet Women From Other Countries," "How To Draw Sexy Women," "How To Use Black Magic To Get Women" and perhaps, inevitably, "The Castration Of The American Male," and he would fill the racks of America's independent comic book retailers with cheaply produced, non-returnable junk, hastening the demise of many a small businessman AND an American art form. Of which this is definitely a part! So get sultry, and we'll begin.


We open in July in Reagan's America, in the midst of what Bart Simpson would describe as an "unprecedented 8-year military build-up." Our jet-fighter pilots do some booming and zooming away from the Sultry Teenage Not Yet Super Foxes, four virtually identical high school girls who are on vacation from boarding school and who are spending the summer at the Air Force base where all their fathers work. Who needs the seashore or the mall or the lake? These girls just want to have fun standing around the runway inhaling JP-8 fumes, hoping a hunky Air Force pilot will replace Dad as the man in their life that tells them what to do and when to do it.

I think a man wrote this? Just guessing.


Sure, just let civilians wander around the flight line ogling the mechanics. What's the worst that could (Sound FX of JET ENGINE TURBINE STARTING, SHRIEK as TEEN is SUCKED INTO INTAKE. Smash cut to FUNERAL, COURT MARTIAL)


If Sheena can't stay out of trouble she's going to get busted all the way down to civilian! Wait a minute. Hey General Dad, it is your fault these girls are here getting into trouble. Maybe put 'em on one of those cheap military standby flights to Europe and let them be Rammstein AFB's problem.


Okay Barry, keep your cool around these girls that are half your age, and think you're a dipstick, and who merely talking to can end your career in a heartbeat. Keep cool!


"We'd better be ready to train women fighter pilots, just in case we ever decide to live up to all that stuff we keep saying about equality and freedom."


Unseen: the artist furiously looking through back issues of "Smithsonian" and "National Geographic" for any photos of New Orleans. They're needed to set the stage for the introduction of new character Madame Rotunda, whom we're told used to have a stable of fine sportin' ladies but is now reduced to an even less reputable occupation. And in New Orleans, "less reputable" is really saying something.


Today she's faced with an unpleasant task in her career as a soothsaying mystical fortune-telling wizard - she has to use real magic. How awful for you, that you would actually have to do the job you've been claiming to do! Such a tragedy.


Careful there Rotunda, one false spell and you might start Third Wave Ska a few years early! You see, Bim Skala Bim was a 90s ska band from Boston, and together with Dropkick Murphys and the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, they... never mind.


"Side Effects Of Raising The Dead May Include Unleashing Demonic Forces From The Bowels Of Hell Itself." This is why you gotta read the labels!


People are enduring painful liposuction and plastic surgery to achieve the results Rotunda here gained in mere moments! Ask your doctor or clergyman about Universe-Trembling Invader Dominance today!


I guess the pilots are back?


Hey guys, if you are having trouble locating four ounces of total shit, good news, this comic book is right here.


Air Force contractors expressing doubt about their funding? Now we're REALLY getting into the far-out fantasy!


Hi Daddy, what's up here in your top secret billion dollar high security matter-transformation laboratory that individuals without "need to know" security credentials shouldn't be in the same time zone as? Huh? Can it get us dates? Huh? Can it?


The great part about New Orleans is that the streets are full of tragic homeless derelicts, abandoned by friends, family and society at large, struggling for existence in the alleys, junkyards, and city dumps. Wait, maybe that part isn't really "great" for anybody but minion-seeking hellspawn.


Looks to ME like the streets are full of Hooters waitresses taking smoke breaks. Leave them alone Rotunda! They're working a double shift tonight and the crowd is rowdier than usual!


Risen from the bowels of Hell! Possessing the bodies of innocent victims! Learning to use the internet! All the classic horror themes, brought to life.


You'd think a United States Air Force Base wouldn't be running the air conditioning so severely to make it so incredibly cold in the civilian housing. Because apparently it's really cold in there.


Remember, this is Jasmine's one chance to become a superior being. College, military service, higher education, skills and training and perseverance - none of those are going to work. It's this shit-to-gold machine, or nothing!


And it turns out it's really all about men. Everything is about men. Men men men.

I think a man wrote this? Just guessing. Have you MET any pilots? You do NOT need to work this hard to get dates with them. All you really need is the ability to endure hours and hours of talk about flying.


It's killing them? Okay! The end. Comic book over. Good night everybody.


Usually when Barry is watching barely dressed women bathed in light, the manual self-contact he's engaged in is a little less painful than "pinching."

(we're saying he pleasures himself in strip clubs, is what we're saying here.)


"Until he has sure he has left this world for the next!" Barry is REALLY ENJOYING his pinching!


No, they didn't get turned into lumps of gold, they got turned into the Sultry Teenage Super Foxes, and nothing will ever be the same! And by "nothing" we mean "pretty much everything." Pretty much everything will continue on as normal.


Sheena's special power is being really strong, as long as she's in contact with trucks. I mean, the Earth.


And then there's one that gets water powers, and one that gets fire powers, and... I think I see where this is going?


One gets air powers. Because of course. Hey did you guys know that over at Comico they had been publishing a comic book called "Elementals" for a while now? I bet you did!


Hey here's another reminder that these girls have exposed themselves to powerful experimental radiation beams and become actual avatars of the four elemental powers of the Earth, thereby becoming veritable gods, and it's all to impress some pilots they don't even know. Women! Am I right?


A billion dollar project destroyed because nobody could be bothered to buy a four-ninety-five padlock from the Ace Hardware down the street. Yeah, that's typical Air Force!


What do you know about this Major Burns? Other than that whole business in Korea with that Houlihan nurse?


This is the moment our Sultry Teenage Super Foxes have been waiting for - the moment they risked their lives being transmogrified for - the moment they realize that there are, in fact, other women on Earth and that whatever hold they had on these Air Force pilots by being the only females on the base has suddenly evaporated. Whoops!


The feelings of disgust and betrayal are written all over the faces of the people that paid two dollars for this comic book. Also, all over the faces of the Sultry Teenage Super Foxes here, whose artist seems to have realized these pages need to be in the mail TODAY


What will the Sultry Teenage Super Foxes do when they find out they have one more issue of this comic book to struggle through? Find out in... well, you know, just sit quietly for three minutes and think of a story, and it will likely be better than whatever happens in "Night And Day."


So! Did you have the fun? The fun of the Sultry Teenage Super Foxes? Did it dare to have a personality, and dare we ask what else we could expect from Solson?


Well, you know how you enjoyed seeing Eddie Murphy on TV pretend to be Lil' Rascals star Buckwheat from those 1930s movie shorts? Wouldn't you like to read a comic book that relies completely upon ruining every single bit of enjoyment you ever had for that character in any iteration? Thankfully I don't believe "Buckwheat Comics" ever saw print, and for that we thank all that is the good and the beautiful in the universe.

But you know what Solson Publications did have, they had a Comic Talent Star Search, and that Comic Talent Star Search had a winner, and that winner is this guy here.


My advice to John is to stick with Boeing, because Larry Niven is still alive and your Ringworld fan fiction is and shall forever remain unpublished. I would stay with the aircraft industry, it means you might one day find yourself on an air force base, being ogled by sultry teenage super foxes. Or maybe just bored mechanics. Either one is better than the floating head of Gary Brodsky!

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