While blasting through the unknown expanses of outer space, you intrepid galactic explorers may encounter danger and disaster beyond your abilities to cope. And that's when you need to call out for Captain Future, or Flash Gordon, or Buck Rogers, or maybe Space Angel, or Tom Corbett Space Cadet, or that Rocky Jones and his Space Rangers, or maybe them Thunderbirds, or maybe the Fireball XL-5 or the Enterprise. Just don't call this guy.


Mostly because you don't *call* this guy, you use his special outer space S.O.S. card, and IT calls... Starhawk! Not the Marvel Comics Starhawk played in the movies by Sylvester Stallone. Another, different Starhawk, who has an incredible super robot companion with an incredibly original name and a billing rate that is not even mentioned, but is also likely incredible! Seriously, if you have to ask, you can't afford it.


I've never fought a virus by stripping down to my BVDs while strapping myself to some sort of high-tech bondage rack that encloses my face in a plastic bubble. Then again, who am I to argue with 26th century science? As long as it keeps Operator Jones excited, that's the important thing.


An ancient castaway space ship drifting in from the unknown? Sure, let's just open her up and see what fun surprises are inside, says someone who's never seen any one of hundreds of science fiction movies involving this exact scenario which never ever ends well.


DID the ANCIENT EGYPTIANS fly SPACE SHIPS? Find out this weekend on the History Channel (spoilers: maybe!)


And when trouble strikes somewhere in the Universe, use your Starhawk Card for fifty percent off your first order. Wow, Droid, look at the size of that eerie derelict alien spaceship, no doubt crawling with unknown life forms hellbent on death and destruction! Let's, uh, check out the Space Patrol ship first. It's probably not as deadly.


I guess the "lie around mostly naked" virus treatment wasn't too successful. Slap that medipac on him, Droid!


Don't we all share constant desires to expose ourselves? No? Just me?


If you're feeling pressured or pressurized, simply give in to the embrace of a good long robot hug and let it squeeze your cares away.


Suddenly the wall disintegrates to reveal GORIC, Aerobics Instructor From Another Galaxy!


So what we got here, we got some space explorers who come across a derelict alien starship housing a powerful alien space creature who needs their craft to spread alien devastation to the rest of the galaxy. What was that movie called again? Galaxy Of Terror? Lifeforce? Forbidden World? Something like that.


Did you like that part where they opened the door and revealed Goric? Well you're in luck, here it is again, here's a part where they open a door and reveal Goric!


Dear extra-galactic alien races, when you're locking up your genetically engineered super psychic leotard monster men, maybe put a sign on the door that says "do not open." Or lock the door, ever think of that?


Thank you Droid, I'm sure the dimmer readers at home appreciate your - wait a minute, this is Lee talking? Jones is dead? Didn't the caption tell us Jones "recounted the fateful discovery"? Make up your mind, comic.


It's becoming clear that a grope or two from a robot's telescopic tentacles can help solve whatever outer space problem you may be having.


Suddenly Starhawk remembered how they solved this problem in that movie he saw, the one about the alien where the alien was killing the crew of the spaceship, what was the name of that movie...


And just like in that movie about the alien, Goric is sucked out into the vacuum of space! Even his fancy powers of being able to move things with his mind will not help him! Unless he uses his fancy mind-moving powers to move himself back to the space ship. Hope he doesn't think of that.


Goric still needed to breathe, which is why one of those astronauts was spared, so the gigantic muscular swole Goric could somehow cram himself into a normal Earth-guy space suit, and... okay, fine, maybe it wasn't the greatest plan. Better than whatever Goric has going on now, though.


And away into the interstellar void blasts Starhawk, who saved the galaxy from a space mutant by remembering that "things need to breathe". Hey you extragalactic civilizations - clean up your own mutants next time, don't make them somebody else's problem! Starhawk doesn't work cheap!

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