In spite of the modern world's abundance of resources, food insecurity is still a problem. Every day millions are hungry and malnourished, while elsewhere food goes to waste because of poor planning, inefficencies in distribution, and bad decisions made by policymakers and corporations. Won't someone think of the less fortunate, the disadvantaged, the needy families, the starving refugees, and, of course, the hungry vampires?


Remember, if you're hungry, they're hungry! But you ask, what can we do? Well, you could leave a saucer or two of your own freshly drained blood out on the porch every night, or you could enjoy this pre-code horror story. I can't say which choice will be less painful.


Their eyes blazed evil while their twisted brains seethed with plans of destruction? What a thing to say about Biff and Muffy here! Obviously they're merely out for a wonderfully terrifying drive.


Plasma! It's what REAL MEN want for dinner! And also, vampires want it too, so guard it with your lives.


I get to a point with some of these Stupid Comics where I sit back and say to myself, hey, this is actually kind of groovy. I really like the art here, Jon Blummer's thick inks give it a real medieval woodcut look, which dovetails nicely with these gargoyley vampires, and it all gives the more ridiculous aspects of the story some structure. This tale originally appeared with color in ACG's "Adventures Into The Unknown" #39, but we first found it in one of those 1970s black and white magazine reprints, so that's what we're going with here, don't thank us, thank the 70s unlicensed horror reprint fad.


Sure, we could suggest these blood-warehouse looters might find it more efficient to use, you know, trucks. But why make it easier for them?


Blood gives strength, strength gives power, power ensures control of the entire world. This explains the global domination of Red Cross Blood Services!


Missing some blood? Call Mark and Martha, the Bloodhounds! They don't actually have bloodhounds, it's just a name. But they'll find that blood!


Alternate headline: Tippler Town Burger King Whoppers Tell Town, Two For $5


Perhaps this creepy old mansion with the obvious vampires flying around outside has some slim, tenuous connection with the recent blood robbery, the only witness of which claimed vampires did it? MMmmmaybe. Now don't take any unnecessary chances like leaving your girlfriend alone out there in the dark outside the vampire house, Mark! Wouldn't wanna do that!


Without warning, a nonconsensual Twilight fan-fiction story breaks out!


Not just any old vampire, but a vampire who went the extra mile and got his MVA, his Masters in Vampire Administration!


Part of being a vampire master is showing your victim the exact details of the scheme that will ensure your eternal rule over all humanity. Communication skills are highly prized among MVAs.


You think it's difficult to get people to donate blood now? Wait until they find out it's all for the benefit of creepy monkey-faced gargoyle vampires - who aren't even giving out cookies and juice!


Hey, you could, you know, just drain the blood from the living human being right in front of you? No? You want your blood pasteurized? Not one of those raw blood faddists? Well, that's understandable.


Each second is an eternity of horror until (sound of angelic choir) the face of MARK appears in beams of celestial glory.


Mark comes prepared. Not only did he concoct an anti-vampire counter-agent in advance just in case they came up against supernatural creatures, he also thought to bring along a tire iron in case he needed to smack some fool upside the head. Or jimmy a lock, whichever.


Quick Mark! Use the convenient ladder to reach the convenient access hatch to the blood reservoir! You know, the one in the room of horror!


Let's get out of here, because this is DISGUSTING


Whoa there Mark, the expression isn't "Vampire take the wheel." It's "JESUS take the wheel." JESUS. Very different.


This panel could easily be repurposed into an editorial cartoon about pretty much any subject you care to warn young people about - merely label the vampire something like "drunk driving" or "narcotics" or "communism" or "the infield fly rule" and you're good to go!


Can't you see? Instead of all this messing around with belladonna and mandrake root and whatever, Mark could have just shoved some gardening stakes through those transfusin' vampires. But then he wouldn't get to show off his chemistry set. Now, let's not bother to reveal the existence of a race of bloodsucking freaks that threaten all mankind, because it's marrying time. Go get hitched, you two!

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