You'd think the novel concept of powerful masked super-adventurers would provide material for years' worth of comic book adventures, without the editors having to mix in other genres like monsters, or wild west cowboys, or wild west cowboys versus monsters. And you'd be right, for a few of those years. Then, suddenly, it was time to bring out those monsters and cowboys!


And that's why two of the lesser lights of the Fawcett Super Galaxy Of Stars, Mr. Scarlet and Pinky, find themselves battling werewolves in the West! Don't worry about those giant wolf-men, though, just read the caption box, which helpfully informs us who's going to win.


Mr. Scarlet may be the only super hero to use his super-heroing to get himself fired from his day job. Luckily, ranchers have lots of money and an Arizona rancher needs a brave lawyer well versed in occult lore. I'm thinking this rancher probably needs someone to send a sternly worded, legally binding criminal trespass warning to rocket scientist Jack Parsons, who at this time, along with his buddies L. Ron Hubbard and Robert Heinlein, was holding naked magic rituals out in the desert. No, really. Anyway, back to our story.


Hey kids! Need to travel but don't have ticket fare? Just hop a freight car like Mr. Scarlet and Pinky! It's lots of fun. This public service message brought to you by the Golden Age of Comics.


Meanwhile, far out west, it seems like somebody's quoting Grandpa in the last scene of the film "The Lost Boys."


I don't know what's more frightening, a pack of werewolves in snappy slacks howling in the Arizona desert, or a pipe-smoking hayseed armed with a belt-fed, water-cooled, fully automatic thirty caliber machine gun. Somebody invent the ATF and then give them a call.


Look at those bullets hit the wolf men, Mr. Scarlet! Just stand right out there in the open while that machine gun sprays lead like a hose. Will YOU keep going when those bullets hit you? Actually maybe he will. I have no idea what kind of super powers, if any, Mr. Scarlet has.


Speaking of Mr. Scarlet, here he is along with his kid sidekick, ready to holler BOO at whatever comes their way.


Long ago in the mystic past the legend of the were-wolf was whispered around the hearth as peasants and nobles alike shivered at the thought of one day hearing the piercing cry of this bloodthirsty monster. "Woof," the monster would say. "Woof."


Like all masked crime fighters, Pinky must guard his everyday identity closely, in this case by choosing the exotic, inspiring super hero name "Pinky."


Look if no one's going to call him Mr. Scarlet when he's in his Mr. Scarlet outfit, why bother putting on the Mr. Scarlet outfit at all?


This rancher is operating under the premise that the lethality of substances is determined by their current market values. What's he going to do next month, start shooting Bitcoins?


This stuff about plants drawing gold particles up from the soil through their roots? It's true, all right. And getting enough gold to make a bullet with this method would only take you five or six hundred years, that's how much gold we're talking about. I guess it makes about as much sense as trying to raise cattle in a bone-dry desert. But let's just go with this, Burke filters gold out of cactus juice, molds them into the thousands of bullets needed for a few minutes of shooting, handloads those thousands of bullets along with enough powder, primer and shells into thousands of expensive cartridges so that he can expensively blast away, and *not* kill werewolves once or twice a month.


Oh look, the bad guys are going to try to kill Mr. Scarlet and Pinky by stampeding a herd of cattle into them. Is this comic book just a parade of really expensive ways to try to kill people? Do I really need to do the math on beef prices?


They were going to give Superman the tag line "faster than a herd of cattle," but they decided it doesn't quite have the same ring to it.


Oh, I get it now. Mr. Scarlet has all the strength and abilities of a rodeo clown!


Today in "Mr. Scarlet And Pinky," Mr Scarlet explores the unknown mysteries of how sound propagates through the atmosphere.


Disparaging the bone structure of his enemies is but one of Mr Scarlet's mighty powers!


That's honestly a really heavy bag of bullets Wolf-Guy just whacked Mr. Scarlet with. But don't worry about their upper body strength, worry about how you get quicksand in a desert.


How did these wolf men learn the secret of cactus juice gold? I guess they're regular Wow Comics readers.


Using all his amazing super hero powers of deduction and clue analysis, Mr. Scarlet holds up an empty werewolf costume and, like lightning, realizes these aren't really werewolves, but just some guys in werewolf costumes.


Hey adoptive dads! Why not put on a wolf-man costume and run howling at your son so that he thinks he'll be torn limb from limb? It's swell fun.


So Mr. Scarlet had a powerful, groin-whopping ray pistol this entire time. Way to drag things out there, Mr. Scarlet.


Just plain everyday criminals? How often do criminals concoct elaborate wolf-man disguises in an attempt to learn the secret of cactus-juice gold? Not every day, I can assure you!


So their plan was to parade around in werewolf shirts and let Grampa blast gold bullets at them with a machine gun, secure in the conviction that these bullets will only be striking the parts of their bodies that are protected by the bullet-proof vests and not blowing their arms, legs and heads clean off. Then they'll collect the golden bullets later for resale to someone who doesn't ask too many questions.

What exactly is the crime here? Ain't no law against dressing up like a werewolf. All that gold is gold that Burke literally threw at them. Legally, that gold belongs to the werewolf club! I mean, sure, they're up for criminal trespass and some assault charges, but they happen to have hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of gold, they can hire some good lawyers.

And that's our story, one that reminds us to stick with standard ammunition and always lead with your infra-red ray gun. So I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, this is a golden age comic book story, usually there's some casual racism, where's the casual racism? Well, here it is.


A little hateful ethnic stereotyping is OK as long as there's a world war involved, so remember to buy war stamps and bonds today!

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