Okay, so up top we want to make it clear that this story is about Tom Kerry, the District Attorney, and not about Tom KENNY, the comedian and voice talent. If at any point your mind starts drifting towards, say, Spongebob Squarepants or the streetwise Abraham Lincoln seen on HBO's "Mr. Show," please pause and remind yourself that Tom Kenny is in no way involved in this adventure. More's the pity, I say.
This kidnap case has the entire police force puzzled, and that includes people that technically aren't on the police force, like, oh, say, district attorneys like Tom Kerry here. Maybe the most puzzling aspect of this kidnapped heiress case is how "no word has been heard of her for a week by Gene Baxter." What does this Gene Baxter person have to do with this? Why is he the only person to not have heard from her? Who is... oh wait. Gene Baxter is the artist and writer of this story. Never mind. (apparently "Gene Baxter" is a pen name for "Zatara" cartoonist Fred Guardineer! Maybe he knows where the kidnap victim is.)
"A crook from Detroit, eh? I'll, uh, insist upon thick square cut pizza and talk a lot about how the Tigers can make the pennant this year."
"Or maybe I'll just call himself "Detroit Tom," seems pretty basic, but I guess it'll work."
Sure Tom, have a sit down with Obviously Al Capone. Just don't drink from the same glass. By this point Al is riddled with syphilis!
"Please, lady, Mister District Attorney is my father! Just call me District."
It's a close call as one of Al's thugs tries to "frame" Tom. I guess that's what the kids were calling it in those days? Framing somebody to death with a .32 revolver?
Seems to me shooting one of Big Boy's thugs would be worse for Chicago Al than muscling in on the kidnap racket, but I am not a 1930s gangster and am not privy to their ways, see, smart guy, nyaah, rub him out, see!
Here's the crucial part of any successful crime plan - tell your victims to NOT call the police. Simple!
Careful, Chicago Al! You'll pop a Chicago Vein if you aren't Chicago Careful.
That's right, see! You float around as a luminous spectre, haunting his every waking moment, exhorting him to collect his cut with a voice from beyond the grave, got it, you mug?
That'll teach that Teach dame a lesson about teaching those lawyers to hurry up with that Teach dough.
Boy, if I had a nickel for every time a 1940s pulp hero has had his life saved by a bullet proof vest, I'd have at least $800, which coincidentally is how much a decent bullet proof vest cost in the 1940s.
Wood screws - (not) strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!
Surprise! Surprise rendered in its most perfect form - the flying cigar.
I imagine Turban Lady began to regret her decision to tag along on this little expedition right around the time her turban impacted the side window.
Thankfully she's OK, and that turban only needs some slight adjusting. Who needs seat belts when you've got a turban?
Lady, maybe quit looming behind these guys and their fight, you're liable to get hit by a flying chauffer!
Yes, Turban Lady is part of Big Boy's mob, and our District Attorney hero has been merely a pawn in a gangster dispute. Way to uphold the law there, Tom.
A district attorney says he can't arrest someone due to lack of proof? That's how you know you're reading a comic book! Well, in spite of a few shootings, a couple of fistfights, a car accident, and weeks spent a captive of brutal hoodlums, it's smiles all around as another exciting Tom Kerry District Attorney adventure ends. Join us next time as our district attorney hero does a favor for some other gangster, probably!
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