The Amazing Spider-Man has battled the Rhino, Doctor Octopus, the Vulture, the Jackal, the Scorpion, Tarantula, and many other foes displaying various attributes of the animal kingdom. But will he survive his encounter with the wildest hybrid creature of all - the combination of "book" and "record"?


Well, Spider-Man's survival all depends on how well that 45 single has held up, and what sort of condition your turntable's needle is in. Remember, when you hear the tone, turn the page!


It's a warm summer night, and this Spider-Man comic is taking a sharp turn into becoming an Astronomy 101 lecture, or maybe an educational film about STD's and teen pregnancy.


"Wow, that constellation really looks like the thing it's named after" is not a thing anyone ever said, not even five thousand years ago when bored shepherds dreamed the things up.


Get down, Sue... don't move! It's the invasion of the Dragon Chaperones!


If this dialogue is sparking some memories somewhere, it might be that sometime in the past you listened to Man Or Astroman?'s debut album, particularly track 2 "Invasion Of The Dragonmen," which sampled selected audio clips from the single that came along with this Spider-Man record. It was quite an experience to see an entire nightclub full of hip scene-makers bellowing along with the King of The Dragon-Men, but that was the magic of the 1990s!


What's that? Oh yeah, this is a Spider-Man story, so here's J. Jonah Jameson hollering at Peter Parker. "I want pictures of Spider-Man!! I mean, Dragon-Men! Now get out there fast and wander around aimlessly with your hands in your pockets!"


Hey Peter! Next time, maybe try "I'm on assignment right now" instead of "this thing is bugging me." Your girlfriend and future wife here might be a little more understanding.


Experts agree, for best results install your delicate scientific equipment in the reeking, disease-infested sewers of New York City.


You can always count on comic book villains to be very clear they aren't going to waste time talking, and then proceed to waste a lot of time talking.


Somebody tell Draco that it's the mid 1970s and America's energy is already fairly well paralyzed!

(you see kids, there was an energy crisis because oil got expensive due to conflicts and crisises in the Middle East. Luckily, this sort of thing never ever happened again.)


Wait, people are energy sources, like batteries? Draco here is pulling a reverse Matrix - 25 years before The Matrix??


I love the phrasing of "your so-called world" here. We may THINK Earth is a planet, but we're just kidding ourselves.


Sure, just shoot jets of flame off at random in an area known for high levels of methane, what's the worst that could happen?


Whether you're deactivating a deactivator or, let's see, yeah, I'm going to go ahead and go with "impregnating your girlfriend," that's what I went with, well, icky sticky fluid will get the job done!


that feeling when you suddenly remember you have an army of Dragon-Men at your command


Sure, the controls of the NYC water supply are down in the sewers. Drinking water, sewer water, it's all water, right?


Dear resident: there may be a slight interruption in water service to the city as we are conducting a periodic deep cleaning of the city's water treatment systems in order to facilitate the removal of sedimentary Dragon-Men contamination.


Glad to see the Daily "Buegle" is on top of the latest news stories!


Sometimes Spider-Man's internal monologue starts to sound like yacht rock lyrics, but then again, this is the mid 1970s. He needs all the mellow good feelings he can get!


Wait, Spider-Man thinks there's a possibility that constellations of stars can assume physical form and appear on Earth?


Giant monsters can't visit New York City without climbing to the top of the Empire State Building at least once. It's the law!


I bet YOU can't identify a Nobel Prize-winning biologist by name alone while perched on top of a skyscraper, but that's just part of what makes Spider-Man so amazing.


The miracle of genetic engineering turns a nerdy-looking guy into a nerdy-looking dragon man! Yes, this is also basically the origin of Spider-Man's enemy The Lizard, but if it worked for a Dr. Curt Connors, it can work for a Dr. Demosthenese Drake. Except with fire.


Except with fire from his mouth and his hands and his feet, which is not a thing even mythological dragons have ever done, because why would they.


I would think anything involving a dragon's feet would also include some poisonous fumes. They don't care what they step in!


It looked grim for Spider-Man, but at the last second he suddenly remembered he could simply move out of the way, and at the same time Draco King Of The Dragon-Men suddenly forgot he had wings and could fly.


Remember, if you ever find yourself turned into a dragon-man, well, just fall twenty stories or so, and you'll change right back into your original iguana form. Good advice, if you were originally an iguana.


And the iguana disappears into New York City, where he'll either find some pizza eating turtles to hang out with, or he'll freeze to death when winter comes. Either way, it's a great day for the world! And now I hope you'll join me in listening to the next track on that Man Or Astroman? album, which is titled "Nitrous Burn Out" and opens with a sample of Evel Knievel talking about drug abuse from his film "Viva Knievel." Sometimes I actually do miss the 1990s.

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