Well, it's the most wonderful time of the year - the time when we dig through our drawers and gather up all the stray bits of comic book fun into one miscellaneous grab-bag of Stupid Comics. First up is a haunting tale of baseball, trespassing, and proper posture!


You kids get off my vacant lot before one of you breaks a leg and your parents sue me for everything I've got! Wait a minute, you're playing BASEBALL? That changes EVERYTHING. Also, sign this waiver absolving me of liability. Now PLAY BALL.


The old man hasn't had this much fun in years, being held against his will somewhere without access to baseball, I guess.


These shoes will improve everyone's performance in every sport ever? That's a hell of a claim to make without any sort of qualifier or legal disclaimer, PF Canvas. You wanna run that past legal? No? Let's chew some gum instead.


Yes, Bazooka Bubble Gum used to come in a giant stick you'd have to chisel a chunk off of. Five or ten minutes of furious chewing later, it would begin to soften and you could get some bubbles out of it. Also apparently it contained powerful hallucinogens.


Good thing Bazooka The Atom Bubble Boy thought to bring a fire extinguisher to a fire, which is more than those so-called professional firefighters knew how to do! Later, Bazooka would lose an eye in a terrible bubble gum incident and start calling himself "Bazooka Joe," which is how we knew him as kids. The gum was still like chewing concrete, though.


Remember the Dawk? Remember when everyone went crazy and had to have their own Dawks? Piles of Dawks confiscated by teachers, spilling out of doorways, blocking roads, clogging municipal water systems? No? Nobody ever heard of these things and Transogram melted them all down and used them to make monsters for their ThingMakers? That's what I heard, anyways.


Let's take a moment and recognize two pioneers of sexual freedom in the mass media, Mama and Papa Duck, who were the first cartoon married couple to be depicted in mid-century fiction as sleeping in the same bed. On the other hand, sleeping in the same bed is what got us Baby Huey, so maybe that was a bad thing.


Hey kids! Having trouble telling time? Well, get ready to have even more trouble when you send in a Wheaties box top and fifteen cents for your very own Explorers Sun Watch! It tells time when the sun is out. What about when the sun isn't out? Well, you know what time it is, it's night time, WAY past time you should have been home. Tell your parents you were kidnapped by Amazon rainforest headhunters or Inuit dogsledders, see if they believe you.


And now let's check in south of the border with the Betty and Veronica of Cuba, Tere and Cari, and how their admiration for Toshiro Mifune is interrupted by the attack of a sword slashing maniac!


No, it's just Pepe, consumed with admiration and excitement for Japanese popular culture! Proof that "weebs" existed throughout all the myriad cultures and ages of human history.


Hey Tere, maybe be careful how you talk to the deranged guy with the sword. If he wants to be the Cuban Toshiro Mifune, let him be the Cuban Toshiro Mifune!


That's People's Milita Commander Papa to you, Pepe! Let's see how brave you are after a few weeks of self-criticism in a re-education camp.

By the way, does anyone want to see what Peanuts looks like in Cuba?


No? Too bad.


Don't fool yourself, it's pretty much the same strip as it is everywhere else. (That's what Carlitos is saying, he's saying "I fooled myself again!")


Here's a fascinating way to advertise your product - make it a key element of a violent crime. Works wonders!


Fill the bottle with catnip to get lions to murder people for you, use the bottle as a weapon, or even put the stuff inside on your hair. Wildroot Cream Oil is truly the wonder product of the ages!


Also a wonder product, Hostess Fruit Pies, driving otherwise calm nerds into a furious kung-fu frenzy! It's caused by the delicious fruit filling, I believe.


Meanwhile on the set of "Deliverance," a very sexy Ronny Cox and Jon Voight are about to go over the falls! Can RC Cola help?


Soft drinks might not aid in river rescues, but they'll sure help those girls to forget that brush with death. Now their only problem is getting rid of these two soda-drinkin' losers.


That Bazooka ad wasn't far-out enough? Here's the Archie gang absolutely tripping balls, thanks to Sunkist Fun Fruits.


Reggie didn't believe them when they said the Sunkist Fun Fruits would absolutely torque him to the gills, but he believes them now!


Give in and become one with the collective mind of universal love, Reggie. Yes. They ARE delicious.


If there's one American teener who wouldn't be caught dead with 'fun fruits' or any other sort of hep-cat goof-balls or reefers, it's Outstanding Boy Allen Murray, who skis, climbs mountains, plays a hot trombone AND chooses he-man Thom McAn shoes! Don't take a chance on stunting your growth with unhealthy "jazz" shoes from the wrong side of town - choose Thom McAn!


But let's return to the Archie gang. What kind of horrifying tidewater ceremony has Archie uncovered?


Don't look, Betty and Veronica! What you're about to see you'll never un-see!


That's right, it's the time there was a nude beach in an Archie comic. Not in your wildest dreams did you think such a thing could exist! And this definitely isn't anyone's wild dream of naked Archie comics. You'll have to dig around elsewhere on the internet for that, you beady-eyed rascals, you.


And we'll wrap up this little story with Mr. Lodge making a joke about how his daughter is almost naked.


It's a beautiful day and Deputy U.S. Royal and his jet-propelled bike are patrolling the country roads of America, ready to jet off and track down evil-doers! He could just use a motorcycle, but... jets! Jets are cool!


U.S. Royal uses his lasso to subdue the hit and run driver and then uses some sort of scientific device to stop the car, which he could have done at any time, but he really wanted to throw that lasso, I guess. Don't listen to those fools at B.F. Goodrich, fellas, buy U.S. Royal tires from the United States Rubber Company!


And we'll leave you to sit silently with this image, to ponder the nature of a world where physical assault was merely a moderately amusing joke. The End!

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